It is 2018 and for the next five years Jenny Chapman investigates her life during a physiological shutdown. She is guided by her ancestors. This companion guide is a fascinating and honest account of the different challenges that can arise after a childhood trauma.

‘Have you, or someone you know, ever experienced a shutdown? This biological response is caused by overwhelm or the body’s inability to cope. Have you been involved in an accident, war, natural disaster or experienced chronic pain, physical/mental assault or extreme stress – health, relationship, financial, work issues – and your personality seem to change? Mine did, after a medical procedure in early childhood. I was unable to use my natural impulses to escape and became stuck in a defensive state. I no longer felt safe.’

In this fourth step of Jenny’s healing process, she attempts to resolve a riddle, one which concerns an inter-generational trauma pattern. A pastiche of journal entries, book reviews, essays and travel logs take the reader through her journey. Jenny’s allies and mentors are ancestors who bear emotional wounds from the Battle of Sedgemoor, Scottish witch trials and the Irish famine whilst the daughter of a world-famous road builder, Aunt George, shows the way, a herd of healing horses re-enact difficulties in her family constellation and Kevin, her late partner channels songs from the afterlife. In the end, she embarks on inner child work and then, decides to visit a Scottish castle to finally, resolve an inter-generational trauma going back to 700 AD.

‘This journal is not about me. It addresses a riddle and tries to solve it. The riddle had to do with my history, one that includes childhood trauma and a propensity to carry what belongs to others – an interloper or outsider. Over time, it became apparent these ‘others’ – ghosts of my far distant past locked in by the ancestors and the land – were key to my story. My life was a reflection of their worlds, along with my own.’

This story describes living through a Dorsal Vagal shutdown. It is the fourth part of a series following the author’s attempts to resolve her developmental trauma symptoms and may appeal to other trauma survivors and specialist practitioners.